Dear Skinny Bitches

Well hello again. I have been so crazy busy lately, I hope you all forgive me for my brief hiatus. I got engaged! So naturally, I'm reading other blogs, going on Pinterest, and discussing wedding plans with all my friends and family.

I have actually been working on another blog post which is almost done, but I had to put that aside because there was something extremely important on my mind and I absolutely have to get this out in writing. If you never read another blog post of mine, read this one before you write me off entirely.

The other day, I casually skimmed through my news feed on Facebook to get the latest scoop about the goings-on of my not-so-inner circle. A "friend" of mine (I will refrain from naming her, but not for the fear that she'll see this; I've since unfriended her) posted a status update that caught my attention. She wrote, and I quote: "If you really can't handle the first half of spin class without fans on, then you probably should reconsider working out altogether." Two of her charming friends responded to her status update. The first said: "People that use fans to work out should reconsider working out." The second friend, evidently a woman of few words wrote simply: "PREACH!"

I read it over and over, and came up with a dozen responses in my head of things I would have liked to say. I'll admit, most of the things I wanted to write were laden with profanity, but I willed myself to write, gently and eloquently so as to get my point across, "ouch. People have to start somewhere :-/"

Circa 2007, not yet at my heaviest

I'll be honest. I really thought that maybe since I had not written the expletive-ridden torrent I had intended to spill, some cosmic karma voodoo magicalness would swarm all over their pretty blonde heads and, oh I dunno, give them a reality check, or maybe some common decency, or a bit of heart. I waited patiently for the notification icon to pop up letting me know a new response had been added, but nothing came. After a few hours, I checked her page again, thinking maybe the notification popped up and I had missed it. I found the status entry, and instead of three comments underneath, found only two. She had deleted my comment...

 So here is the actual beginning of my long spiel. Buckle your seat-belts but don't go anywhere. This is where you're probably wondering why the hell I care what some "skinny bitch" said on her own Facebook wall. After all, she didn't go and blast it on some forum (as far as I know.) She also has every right to use her first amendment right to be as much of a bitch as she wants. She's not hurting anyone, technically. But oh my God, did it hurt like hell. I'll admit it.

2009. I was 22 years old

This all takes me back to when I was "Flabby Gabby." When I hated going to the gym and being around skinny girls who I swear gave me dirty looks. Was it my own imagination that the gorgeous, fit girls were judging me while I struggled on the treadmill? Maybe. It might have been in my head that they were secretly laughing at me or looking at how revolting my belly and thighs looked. Everywhere I looked, people were scoping out other people. Quick peeks, strange glances, all of which I imagined were for comparison. My legs are so much better than hers. Her butt looks amazing. OMG that girl's hips are so wide; glad I don't look like that. When I made fleeting eye contact with another person, I over-analyzed what they must have seen and thought about me: that I'm just a gross fat girl who should just give up. My so-called friend's status update validated every fear I ever had.

I used to always "cover" myself with purses, or in this case, a pillow to hide...

My ex-boyfriend's father once said I would always be a fat girl. I remember the first time a girl at school matter-of-factly referred to me as 'chubby'. And it was someone in my used-to-be-inner-circle who dubbed me Flabby Gabby. And you know what? That whole bullshit about using the negative comments as fuel to prove people wrong NEVER FUCKING WORKED. Oh, I'd think it all right, in my head, it was all, I'll show them! I'll lose this weight and be so hot they'll be sorry. But it never happened. I went home and scarfed my heart out on whatever was in the fridge. You say I needed better friends? You betcha.

Visiting my family in AZ in 2009

The first step on my path of transformation really did involve removing myself from the bad, negative, hurtful, detrimental people. The second step was surrounding myself with people who motivated me, encouraged me, told me I was beautiful no matter what, and loved me for me regardless of the size of my jeans.

2010. The most I ever weighed. I wore a size 10-11 at 5' tall and 140ish lbs

I needed some serious prodding to get back in the gym, and it only happened after I lost my first twenty pounds. Even then, I stayed for ten minutes. That included getting a paper cup of water and slowly ambling toward the "death machines."

I can't even imagine what would have happened if someone laughed at me about that, or if I overheard some girl snidely remarking "that girl who barely worked out for ten minutes should just reconsider working out altogether." I would have quit. I would have been defeated. Am I proud about that? No, not really, but I'm being blatantly honest. I would not have come back, because there'd be no way to get up to "her workout standards" overnight, and subjecting myself to that kind of bullying would be too difficult. I already endured enough bullying in grade school for being too short, having the wrong haircut, wearing cheap clothes, having crooked teeth and "four eyes." In those days, I had no choice but to go to school and be subjected to the brutality. As an adult though, it's a different battlefield, and I can choose whether or not I want to fight in it.

Down 40 lbs!

I would have walked away...

Hiking. Look at those guns!

I'm so grateful that I made it to my goal, and have successfully kept off the weight for two years now. My self confidence has never been higher, and I actually feel pretty. It's not just because I'm thinner. It's also because I worked so hard, didn't give up, and achieved something I never thought I could. I am so proud of myself! That's why when anyone tells me they'd like to lose weight or get healthier, I do anything I can to help them, motivate and encourage them, and answer all their questions. That's why I started this blog! I wanted it to be easier for you guys to find my favorite recipes, tips and exercises that helped me lose weight!

No witchcraft here. Just positive energy, motivation and hard work!

I hope what you take from this blog post and what you remember most is that I started out as Flabby Gabby who ate macaroni and cheese daily, hated exercise, and was constantly derailed from improving my life by the negativity around me. But I slowly made the changes to my diet, and I took those scary steps into the gym. I thrived because of the positivity around me and avoided people and situations that would hinder me. My ten minutes on the elliptical the first day turned into fifteen and then thirty. Now, I can ride that sucker for an hour like a boss. And I'm down forty pounds.


And you know what? I use the damn fans.

Snorkeling during my last vacation. #nofilter #nophotoshop #thatsmybody