The Kale Queen's FAVORITE Chocolate Peanut Butter Green Shake

I was going to post about this shake yesterday, but I messed it up while making it, so I had to keep adding more and more ingredients into the blender until it came out kind of right. When I was done, I had made enough for two large shakes, and had lost all sense of measurements. Sh*t happens. I don't always have a successful day in the kitchen. My biggest problem is I don't write anything down, and I always think I can be like my grandma, who knows exactly how much four tablespoons are even though she doesn't even own measuring spoons. (This phenomenon is known as The Eyeball Effect, and was evidently not something I inherited). Cooking is a science, and if you add too much of one ingredient, or not enough of another, it can be catastrophic. So, my resolution is to write things down, and to stop being so damn lazy and actually measure my ingredients appropriately since my eyeballs are so... Average.

Hopefully, my shakes will become more consistent. Roy teases me, because I make fun of my mom for never following recipes and never measuring anything. But she's had many more years of practice. And she goes way beyond simply not following a recipe. My mother can take a recipe for soup and end up with a pot pie. (Okay so I exaggerate slightly, but you know what I mean.)

Today I tried really really hard, so I hope you love this shake. This is my favoritest, most yummiest, delicious-est shake evarrr!!! Do you like chocolate? Do you like peanut butter? Are you allergic to peanut butter? If you are, I just want to give you a hug so badly, and cradle you in my arms and tell you everything's gonna be okay... And weep with you... I give you guys props because I can't even imagine what I'd do without peanut butter... No more Reese's? No more of my favorite Nature Valley granola bars? No more tablespoons of peanut butter, just plain on a spoon like that? *sigh* Oy, I got carried away again. So let me just cut to the chase. (My apologies, I've had a glass of wine...)

1/2 cup almond milk. I know, store bought, the horror...

For this shake, I really try getting the color of the shake to look like it's a chocolate peanut butter shake so, I start off by brewing a cup of coffee. I added 1/2 cup of black coffee to the blender, and 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk. I ran out of my flax seeds today, so I only added 1 TBS chia seeds (unmilled) to the blender. Then I measured (!!!) and added two TBS of chocolate PB2 (PB2 is a peanut butter powder. It's made entirely of peanuts, so it's not artificial, but all the oil has been sucked out of it, leaving you with a peanut butter powder that has 85% less fat than regular peanut butter. Here's a full post I wrote so you can learn more about PB2 and other powdered peanut butter varieties), one TBS unsweetened cocoa powder, one TBS agave and a capful of vanilla extract. (FYI, a capful of vanilla extract from a one or two ounce bottle should equal a teaspoon. I read that online and it has been accurate with all types of vanilla extract bottles.) Then, I cranked the blender up to variable 3. (I have a Vitamix, so if you don't, just turn on your blender and give it a go for about thirty seconds.)



This next part is so super important and the reason this shake sucked so much yesterday. Yesterday, I added the greens before I added the beet greens. Nay sir!!! The color of the shake came out to be a color that can best be described as fermented poo on baby's butt (I have had the displeasure of changing a few diapers in my day. I'm so not ready to be doing that on a daily basis...) So today, I added five stems of beet greens before I added the regular greens. After blending in the beet greens, the shake-in-progress was a delightful purple color.

Then, I grabbed my gallon-sized Ziploc bag of frozen greens (kale, spinach, baby bok choy, chard), raised the variable of the Vitamix up to 8, and slowly added them to the blender until it became a great chocolatey color. I ended up not using the entire bag, because I didn't want fermented-poop colors again. But that's ok, because I had already added lots of nutrients with the beet greens, so it's not like I was skimping on my veggies. I let the mixture blend, and used the tamper to scrape the sides of the canister down. Once the shake was an evenly pulverized chocolatey vision of yumminess, I added 1/4 of a frozen banana to the blender, and then about a cup of ice cubes. The ice amount is totally up to you. If you want a thicker shake, add more ice; more liquidy shakes, add less ice.



Me and my frozen greens. The bag appeared fuller before I scrunched it to break down the pieces.

Also, if you want it sweeter, add more agave, honey, Stevia, etc. If you're losing weight, I recommend you try to slowly ease yourself off of using quite so much sweetener, but if you're a newbie, then you are plain awesome for trying to change your lifestyle, and you deserve that extra tablespoon or two. No one changes their palate overnight. But it will eventually change, so quit beating yourself up about it, and be proud of yourself that you kick ass and eat veggies for breakfast, LIKE A BOSS!!!

Once my shake reached this chocolatey color, I stopped adding greens

So, to recapitulate (I was an English major, so I'm snotty and like big words)...

Chocolate Peanut Butter Green Shake

1/2 cup black coffee

1/2 cup almond milk

2 TBS PB2 (chocolate or regular)

1 TBS unsweetened cocoa powder

1 TBS agave (or more!) or sweetener if choice

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 TBS chia seeds

1 TBS milled flax seeds

5 stems of beet greens

2 cups (approx) mixed greens

1/4 frozen banana

Ice

Once again, I'll repeat, either from this post or previous ones:

1) ALWAYS use a frozen banana. It changes everything.

2) Add beet green first! Then add green greens so you can get the color right.

3) You're drinking more vegetables in one sitting than most people eat in a day. If it's not sweet enough, add more sweetener. You deserve it! If it makes you want to drink another shake tomorrow, you already won. If you're disgusted by it, you're likely not having a second date with your blender tomorrow, so make it work!

Til next time

-Kale Queen